The Porcelain Incident

My grandmother was a fireball of energy with a hot temper but more often than not she was careless. Before I was born she sat on a pair of scissors that fell between sofa cushions and was rushed to the hospital. Over the years she developed multiple interests including African violets, parakeets, French poodles, plaster of Paris art and ceramics. Whatever she did, it was full throttle at warp speed or not at all. In hast between hobbies and domestic chores she often times placed her glasses or false teeth in odd locations and could not find them later. In the early 1950's, she sneezed while flushing the toilet, which sent her teeth into the swirling water and down the sewer. For her the incident was terribly embarrassing and she did not discuss it except with family and her best friend Mrs. Coley. Little did my grandmother know that word spread through Mrs. Coley that Mattie was careless and lost her teeth by flushing them down the commode. The 1950's held people to unusual expectations where issues like alcohol consumption, divorce, teen pregnancy and breaking a window pane was cause for intense shame. Accidents of any kind were frowned upon and viewed as if the individual in question had poor judgement and lacked self control. There were no options or gray areas, you attended church, behaved yourself and went along with societal expectations or you were ostracized. My grandmother used a clever technique to evade the boredom of church by claiming that arthritis and wooden benches do not mix. Most people in the 1950's were more concerned with "what will people think"? than they were about being honest with themselves and living their lives as individuals. A few weeks after she lost her teeth the superintendent of the sewerage treatment plant arrived at my grandmother's house with a pair of false teeth in a water filled mason jar. Mr Badon was seriously trying to help when he proudly proclaimed: "I heard you lost your teeth down the toilet and we found these in collection grate at the sewage treatment plant. Would you like to try them on to see if they are yours"?

Needless to say my grandmother was not amused and did not take him up on the offer. It was shameful enough that she flushed her teeth down the toilet, but for everyone in town to know about it was devastating.