Klaatu Barada Nikto

The 2008 incarnation of the 1951 classic The Day The Earth Stood Still exemplifies artistic expression placed in the hands of number crunchers and promotional mad men. Quite lavish with special effects, the film falls flat when compared to the original version starring Michael Rennie as the benevolent but stern alien Klaatu, and Patricia Neal as Helen Benson. The 2008 version has been updated to keep the politically correct crowd happy as well as appealing to teenagers that gauge a movie by the number of explosions and the amount of terrestrial destruction. The special effects have a synthetic texture and movement like a video game which completely destroys reality and makes the movie feel more like a cartoon. The film is terribly miscast and lines are spoken with all the enthusiasm of artificial voice prompts on a cell phone. Keanu Reeves should retire immediately and shame on Kathy Bates for signing on to a project beneath her artistic abilities. Wait until this film comes out on video to see it (if you must). A comparison to the original is worth it but not for the price of theater admission.

Twins Separated At Birth

A genetic accident that only a monster could love. Spawned by electricity discharged from a wire coat hanger into a cocktail of sperm and toxic waste, these creations escaped from the laboratory and periodically show up on video and in nightmares.

Strength In Numbers

Here we have a couple of well fed girls that sprang to life as sturdy seedlings in the back woods of America. Let these bulls loose in a Fleetwood trailer with a bottle of Jack Daniels, deprive them of fried food, and you could film a tornado disaster movie without the tornado! While not the most well mannered individuals, these lovely ladies certainly know how to chop wood, rebuild a car engine, and repair an oil refinery with their bare hands. The hair says it all ... mess with me and I will kick your ass!

Kinda Horsey

Is it Halloween, drag show amateur night, or former Florida secretary of state Katherine Harris? Hard to tell but in reality it's the gal that many believe helped steal the 2000 election from the democratic party, the infamous Katherine Harris in her political heyday! Like the lowly cockroach, Katherine's face would most certainly survive an atomic attack. In 2004 a crazed motorist tried to run her down on the street, but just like a weed cut off at the base, Katherine has a strong root system and regenerates like a sliced salamander!

80's Mullet Mania

Here we have a real piece of work. Anyone that has fond memories of the 80's needs to take a good hard look at this follicular horror from the past. I am sure the negative social impact combined with back combing left the child in this photo with permanent brain damage. Daddy drives a red Camero and is obviously a big fan of Bon Jovi and Night Ranger.

Fairbanks-Morse H-10-44

I am now the proud owner of a Chicago and Northwestern Fairbanks-Morse H-10-44 switcher for use on any DC energized HO scale model railroad. The unit is fully equipped with cabin engineer and accurate sound including variable speed diesel engine, bell, squealing brakes, and horn. Wikipedia describes the specs and history of this venerable rail slave as follows:

"The FM H-10-44 was a yard switcher produced by Fairbanks-Morse from August, 1944–March, 1950. The units featured a 1,000-horsepower (750 kW), six-cylinder opposed piston engine prime mover, and were configured in a B-B wheel arrangement mounted atop a pair of two-axle AAR Type-A switcher trucks, with all axles powered. Many H-10-44s received aftermarket modifications that increased their horsepower rating to 1,200 hp (890 kW). The Raymond Loewy-designed car body featured a slanted nose, sloping hood lines, and (considered to be its most distinguishing feature) a protruding roof visor mounted on the rear of the cab. These styling cues were carried through to the H-10-44's successor, the FM H-12-44, until September 1952 when the exterior design was "spartanized" to reduce production costs. A total of 195 units were built for American railroads. Three intact examples of the H-10-44 are known to survive today, all of which are owned by railroad museums. Most notable of these is Milwaukee Road #760 (originally delivered as #1802), the first Fairbanks–Morse locomotive constructed in their own plant, which is preserved and on display at the Illinois Railway Museum."

This locomotive will allow for a light consist of freight or passenger cars on short haul applications such as train assembly, industrial switching, or commuter runs. Manufacturing dates are compatible with the period of choice should I decide to construct a Chicago based rail yard in the future and run steam equipment as well. Until such time this switcher will run on a rail club landscape proudly hauling post-war lumber, coal, chemicals, and fictitious passengers to help move a growing nation into the future!

The Porcelain Incident

My grandmother was a fireball of energy with a hot temper but more often than not she was careless. Before I was born she sat on a pair of scissors that fell between sofa cushions and was rushed to the hospital. Over the years she developed multiple interests including African violets, parakeets, French poodles, plaster of Paris art and ceramics. Whatever she did, it was full throttle at warp speed or not at all. In hast between hobbies and domestic chores she often times placed her glasses or false teeth in odd locations and could not find them later. In the early 1950's, she sneezed while flushing the toilet, which sent her teeth into the swirling water and down the sewer. For her the incident was terribly embarrassing and she did not discuss it except with family and her best friend Mrs. Coley. Little did my grandmother know that word spread through Mrs. Coley that Mattie was careless and lost her teeth by flushing them down the commode. The 1950's held people to unusual expectations where issues like alcohol consumption, divorce, teen pregnancy and breaking a window pane was cause for intense shame. Accidents of any kind were frowned upon and viewed as if the individual in question had poor judgement and lacked self control. There were no options or gray areas, you attended church, behaved yourself and went along with societal expectations or you were ostracized. My grandmother used a clever technique to evade the boredom of church by claiming that arthritis and wooden benches do not mix. Most people in the 1950's were more concerned with "what will people think"? than they were about being honest with themselves and living their lives as individuals. A few weeks after she lost her teeth the superintendent of the sewerage treatment plant arrived at my grandmother's house with a pair of false teeth in a water filled mason jar. Mr Badon was seriously trying to help when he proudly proclaimed: "I heard you lost your teeth down the toilet and we found these in collection grate at the sewage treatment plant. Would you like to try them on to see if they are yours"?

Needless to say my grandmother was not amused and did not take him up on the offer. It was shameful enough that she flushed her teeth down the toilet, but for everyone in town to know about it was devastating.

2009: The Shape Of Things To Come

1. Commercial real estate market plummets.
2. Stock market plunges, more banks fail.
3. More print media moves to Internet only.
4. Greater emphasis on mass transit/high-speed trains.
5. Large percentage of people move into cities.
6. February cut over to digital tv will be disastrous.
7. Blu-Ray to gain traction, DVD market begins to shrink.
8. More emphasis on Main Street instead of Wall Street.
9. Formula for the New Economy unveiled.
0. Many businesses close.

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Ceramic Tile

Not everything is as it seems. Much of what we see in life is a facade or window dressing to disguise or improve reality. Natural curiosity has always driven me to look behind the curtain, to see the nuts and bolts, to understand the nature of the mechanism. I distinctly remember a Sunday car trip with my parents around the age of sixteen. We stopped for gas and I got out of the car to take some pictures when I noticed an older woman hiding behind a gas pump picking her teeth with a toothpick. It was obvious she did not want to be seen and in my mind this was all the more reason to expose her. With deliberate intent plans were engaged to foil her scheme of deception. Everytime I moved, she moved and eventually both of us were circling the gas pump until she threw the toothpick to the ground in disgust and boarded her vehicle. She's probably dead by now, poor thing was no spring chicken thirty-eight years ago and more than likely never forgot the incident. Whether or not there is a hell is up for debate and for all we know the entrance ramp could be paved with ceramic tile.

The Final Frontier

Those that dismiss Star Trek as boring or child's play need to check out the new updated version based on the old story coming to a theatre near you in 2009.
On the subject of science, it is important to note that some people cannot grasp the dynamics of the physical world (for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction) and under the best circumstances cannot follow science fiction. They understand space travel and know we went to the moon, but have no idea the International Space Station is currently inhabited by a team of scientists in orbit around the earth. They are unable to define the word "stereo" as it refers to sound reproduction in spite of the fact that two-channel audio is in every household and car and has been with us for over fifty years! Living like a confused insect with a truncated brain stem these people are simply along for the ride, spending all of their lives acting and reacting to external stimuli until they die. They do not listen, absorb, and process information for self improvement or try to help their fellow earthlings. People that wallow in their own juices and refuse to pay attention eventually become architects of their own demise. In the case of those that will not help themselves, assistance is futile.

Format Frenzy

Just when you thought DVD was here to stay, along comes a new shiny disc to throw the universe out of balance. Yes I am talking about Blu-Ray, the optical disc format launched in 2006 that promises an enhanced visual and aural experience in glorious HD and digital surround sound. Does this make your standard-def DVD collection obsolete? Not at all. Not only are Blu-Ray players backward compatible with DVD, but most will upconvert a standard DVD to synthetic HD though a complex set of algorithms embedded in the video processor. Samsung currently has the most advanced upconversion technology via the HQV (Hollywood Quality Video) processor originally developed by the US military for high resolution satellite photography. Silicon Optix was commissioned to shrink $60,000 worth of circuitry into an inexpensive HQV chip that lies at the heart of most new Samsung players. At the present time the best bang for the buck HQV equipped Samsung player is the BDP-2500, which should be arriving on store shelves at any time. I can just smell the packing material!

California Firestorm

At the time of this writing there are two firestorms raging in California. One is being fought with water and hoses and the other has been fueled by the recent Prop 8 ban on same sex marriage. Thousands of people gay and straight have taken to the streets to protest what amounts to legalized discrimination. Californians are passionate when it comes to human rights and politics.

Sunny Side Up

Well folks we are officially in the depths of a depression unlike anything seen in the United States since the 1930's. It's bad. But not to worry. Even during the last down turn we were amazed by the 1939 New York World's Fair and the unveiling of new inventions such as domestic robots, black and white television, and flourescent lighting. Television was so unbelievable in 1939 that RCA encased exhibit TVs in transparent Lucite shells so fair attendees could see the innards. Proof that a film projector was not running inside. The futurama exhibit even had a diorama of what a modern metropolis would look like in the distant world of 1960. The 1939 World's Fair exemplified utopian ideals of urban planning and the application of technology and machines to solve all the world's problems. Almost seventy years later we are still waiting. We now have the machines but additional problems have cropped up that were not part of the original equation. In some cases machines have eliminated people and they have created other problems that did not exist prior to their invention. When the US interstate system was created in the 1950's it was designed with one major flaw. The designers failed to consider that the interstate itself would generate massive urban growth along interchanges which further compounded traffic congestion.

Since we have been in the depths of an economic down turn I have been listening to music and watching video clips from the 1930's to see how they handled it. I like Keep Your Sunny Side Up by the Kentucky Serenaders. Living outside a utopia, it does provide some light at the end of the tunnel.

Age Of Aquarius

Lately I have been thinking about the past and wondering if times are ripe for the kind of cultural revolution that occurred in the United States during the 1960's. If a societal shift occurs, it will be a clean break with the past in ways that have not yet been defined. Sometimes change needs to be brought about through radical means by tearing out the old and starting from scratch. Considering the state of the world, maybe the time is right for people to rise up and let those in charge know that we are not going to take it anymore.

Lake Hypatia

On the weekend of July 4, 2008, I ventured north to participate in the annual Lake Hypatia Advance conference in Talledega. If you are a freethinker and process things outside the box you might want to check it out. The facilities are awesome. Attendees were from all over the United States and Canada. What can I say .. the outdoor setting was perfect and the catered food was excellent. Lots of nice friendly people.

Uranus

Here we have a unique take on a tattoo that cat lovers can appreciate. Brought to you by the good people at www.bmezine.com/, the most comprehensive body modification site on the web.

Bullet Trains And Rat Wheels

The industrial revolution has been dissolving since the 1970's, yet we continue forward as if nothing has changed. The political movement to bail out every large company in trouble will prove to be a bottomless pit from which recovery is impossible. If the free market cannot support it, let it fail. Bush-style trickle down economics has been a disaster over the last eight years so why the same knee jerk reaction now? We need to completely get away from legacy technologies that are too expensive and poison the environment. The United States should embark on a high priority project to invent new energy systems instead of spending money on planes and bombs for a war that should have been over years ago. We did it during the 40's when we developed the atomic bomb. All possible non-pollution alternatives need to be considered in the quest to free the United States from dependance of foreign oil. A national high speed electric rail system to be implimented like the freeways were in the 1950's. The only answer I see is a new and improved form of nuclear power. Where possible use solar, geothermal and wind systems that integrate into the nuclear based grid. Perhaps we could prop up Dubya along with his moss back cronies and put them in a rat wheel to generate all the electricity we need. Condoleeeezma could fry up some chicken and Laura could give makeup lessons to transvestites. I am sure we will figure it out!

Change = Vaporization

What does it mean now that Barack Obama has won the election? If you live in a red (neck) state (like I do) it means that most people prefer to continue the failed policies of Dubya and are highly displeased with the outcome. If you live in a blue state, the majority of voters effectively vaporized John McCain and his Wasilla Hillbilly sidekick into the pages of history. I don't know if a Martian heat ray could have been more effective! Of course there are no guarantees with any president. All we can do is hope that the disastrous policies of the last eight years can be undone before the United States itself is reduced to a burned out cinder.

Death By Scissors

Prichard, Alabama has certainly had its share of social and economic problems over the years. Now it is one of the most blight ridden, crime infested cities in the United States. Unemployment stood at a whopping 15% before the global economic meltdown and one can only imagine how high it is now. During World War II, Prichard was one of the fastest growing cities in the nation due to its proximity to Mobile and the plethora of ship building industries that kept money in everyones pocket. Times were good. For anyone not alive up through the 1960's, it is next to impossible to imagine Prichard could have ever been anything but a bombed out wasteland. Once upon a time, yards were mowed and well kept streets provided safe passage for automobiles. At one time downtown Prichard was pristine, and equipped for a well rounded shopping experience. Among the stores were J C Penny, Woolworth, Sears, Prichard Camera, a hardware store, Prichard Rug and Shade, banks, a record store, and several drug stores that were as clean and well stocked as anything you would find in an affluent suburban community. The record store even had a private booth with headphones so you could listen to a vinyl record before you purchased it. That was then, this is now: up to one thousand buildings and abandoned houses are scheduled for demolition. The old downtown and much of Prichard itself looks similar to photos taken of Hiroshima and Nagasaki after dropping the atomic bombs. Nestled amongst the burglar barred stores in what is left of present day downtown sits the infamous Rainbow Lounge. No dive this side of Harlem could compete with the reputation of this establishment. Everything that ever squirmed beneath an upturned rock seems to find its way into this temple of nocturnal iniquity. A late night Rainbow Lounge performer and female impersonator named Maxine recently made the news by plunging a pair of scissors into someone's chest and killing them. The victim used Maxine's car without authorization and paid with their life. I am well mannered with most people and to each his own, but I generally cut a wide swath between myself and a passing drag queen. Not that they are all bad seeds, but self preservation kicks in and I do have enough sense to fear the unknown.

Last Night In Pompeii

Halloween has historically been a night for children, however in recent years it has been embraced by some adults as the unofficial high holy day of freakdom. It's one of those nights where you have the opportunity to draw a blueprint for yourself, step into it, and become anyone or anything you wish to be. On the evening of October 31, 2008 I experienced what could only be described as the last night in Pompeii. It was a premonition of impending catastrophe, a true extinction level event and how the earth's inhabitants would interact and celebrate knowing full well that the end was near and there was nothing they could do. It was the perfect backdrop for Halloween. I slipped into all black, ventured into the night, and zeroed in on reckless abandon with other individuals that by choice or non-choice have fallen through the cracks of conventional society. The night air was cool, and I anticipated what was sure to be an excellent celebration and over the top feast for the optic nerve. My intent was deliberate, to exclude the average, to reject the mundane, to not rub elbows with dullards. I ventured to Conti Street in downtown Mobile, and passed through an invisible membrane that once breached, forever altered the time-space continuum. You could feel the effect in the center of your brain. The freaks were out in droves and the night opened up a door for the ordinary to get in touch with their real selves. A veritible sea of humanity in the last throws of existence sloshed about as the clock approached the witching hour. My plans are in place. Pompeii is once again on the calender for 2009.